Both Mandy and I have often pondered why and what the purpose of us moving to Olympia was for. We had some ideas and inclinations about parts of the move(reducing living expenses and me going to school full-time) and some things we have found to be very important and impacting in our lives(the teaching at Living Water) as we have been here for this last year. Yes it has been over a year since we left Oregon and many of the comforts and safety nets we had found or created for ourselves(maybe this was a part of why we moved).
Today's thoughts narrowed in on a particular relationship between our 4 year old daughter Jillian and an neighbor who is a close friend to Mandy's Mom. When we moved here the relationship didn't seem to have much meaning or purpose. But that changed a few months ago when this dear sweet woman found out that she had a very serious and advanced form of cancer and was given less than a year to live (not sure of the cancer type or the exact length of time given). She has chosen to do Chemo and some other treatments which have had a tremendous affect on her health and life. Between treatments and bouts of illness she is still working and serving her church.
What my thoughts really targeted in on was what Jilly was bringing to this neighbor. When Jilly goes over to check on her, give her gifts of a craft or picture Jilly has made or just hang out with her by reading or watching a movie as much as her health and mood will allow she smiles. My little girl, to whom someday very soon we will be explaining that our neighbor has passed on to be with Jesus and she won't be able to see her anymore, brings a gift of love and joy to another life. Jilly doesn't desire anything more than a friendship out of this arrangement. I think however that in her friendship she is able to give more than she and maybe even us can understand.
I have heard a lot over the last couple of years about some studies done and how some medical groups are using animals as part of their treatment programs for people who have serious illnesses such as server depression, cancers and mental disabilities. They have also used animals in helping to raise the spirits of children in hospitals and elderly people in assisted living facilities. My thought is can my little girl and possibly other children have this same effect. Could my daughter spending time with a woman her grandmother's age help her in midst of a life threatening illness. Who else could my daughter touch just by being a child who desires nothing more than interaction and companionship? Could children have the same affect as pets?
The next question in my pondering about the effect of children on the elderly was not as pleasant. It was a realization that in our society we have largely taken a position of indifference towards the elderly. So many wind up in assisted living and retirement establishments and there they are essentially forgotten. Some have no one left to remember them, family and friends have all gone before them others have been abandoned by loved ones for what ever the reasons are. It doesn't matter how or why but they are there.
They have lived their lives, they have labored at their jobs, and they have made their homes. That is all behind them and in the past. But we have seemed to have forgotten that it was upon their lives that the very society that has forgotten them was built. It was these people who survived recessions and wars far greater than we have know in our life times. But they have done their deeds and can be discarded. I began to question the wisdom in that and realized something.
We have put more value in knowledge we can learn from a book, the internet or some expert who has spent years studying than we do in the wisdom(applied knowledge) of the people who have lived and experienced far more than us. When we have an issue with our relationships we turn to Oprah, Dr. Phil, Self Help books, Counselors, girlfriends, our parents and list just keeps going. I am not saying some of these sources are not a good place to go. There is an issue when the source has no experience to go with the advice they share. But the elderly man or woman who is sitting in that nursing home all alone after their spouse died 5 years ago after 50 years of marriage might be a better place to go. But they have outlasted their usefulness right? Heck they can't even use a cell phone and they don't even know what the internet is let alone facebook.
What wisdom can my little girl get by spending time with someone more experienced then her. Isn't that my job as a parent to share my knowledge and experience with her. Does my usefulness as a teacher and adviser end when she becomes a teen(she may think so), or after she graduates high school or college, or when I retire from working or when I am 80? I don't think so. I think as a nation we are destroying and losing a great asset each day we continue down this path of indifference. We need to reach out to those who are older than us, those who have experienced more life and have lived their lives. If we handicap ourselves and set ourselves up for many mistakes that could have been avoided if we would have sought wisdom from those who have lived life before us.
My thoughts ended on this question. Who would get more out of taking the time to relate with people like my neighbor? People who have lived, suffered, experienced and enjoyed more life than ourselves and are now only wanting some companionship, a chance to see life lived in ways they can no longer, and the joy of imparting themselves to those who come after them.
Two thoughts I leave with you and myself.
1) Is there a place in your life where you need wisdom and wise counsel?
2) Is there a life of some one beyond your years that is in need of companionship?
This reminds me of something I heard a while back. I am not positive what culture it was but I think it may have been native Americans, I am sure there are more if I took the time to look, had an interesting structure. In there culture the elderly would "raise" the children of the village while the "parents" would go out a gather food, build shelters and go to war. The Parents were the providers and were only teachers in the things that the elderly could not do such are hunting and building. In fact many churches seemed to use a similar model. The leaders of the church were called elders and they tended to the "flock" while the "parents" supported the church. There is wisdom in this method.
ReplyDeleteTo conclude I would have to say that there has been too much stress on the individual and not enough on family groups. I mean parents are expected to raise and provide for their children and making/saving enough money to pay for their retirement leaving little time to "care" for the elderly in the family. It then becomes easier to ship them off to "old folks" homes and easier to "forget" about them because of how busy we must be to accomplish these amazing feats.
On a side note I don't know if your little one will acquire much actual "wisdom" as much as she would acquire knowledge because much of wisdom is learned through the physical application of knowledge.