Day 23 Of Giving Thanks - 11/29/2010

Today I am thankful for the laughter of my beautiful, smart, and full of life daughter Jillian. I hope and pray you will always be able to laugh.

Day 22 Of Giving Thanks - 11/28/2010

I am thankful the opportunity that I had today to serve at Living Water. The opportunity to be a part of the testing of the virtual church.

Day 21 Of Giving Thanks - 11/27/2010

I would like to express my thanks to Uncle Jerry and Aunt Dode (Mandy's Aunt and Uncle). I want to thank you both for your love, support and prayers for us and all you family. In particular for today I want to thank you for opening up your home to your family, keyboard and rambunctious 4 year. For providing a great atmosphere and food to celebrate the holidays.

Your are great people that we love, value and are very thankful for.

Now if we could only see you more often..

Day 20 Of Giving Thanks - 11/26/2010

Despite what may have felt like a failed attempt to reach out and meet others. Since only one person who we already know showed up. I am thankful the we took the chance and invited people to our home. More importantly I am thankful that Mandy and I are both willing and wanting to give it another shot soon.

Day 19 Of Giving Thanks - 11/25/2010

Today was a good day. A day spent with family. A day where where being thankful is celebrated.

But more importantly today we sat down and did our budget. And once again we can see how God has provided and how in our learning and growing in our finances we are able to see the blessings, the provisions, and the Love of God.

We are growing and becoming stronger and that is a great thing be be thankful for.

A Thanksgiving Message - Day 18 - 11/24/2010

So tonight I had a powerful yet brief conversation with a Man I will call Fireman K. Who formally worked in Thurston County but is now a firefighter in Manson County. Here is just a brief cap of the conversation.

An Average Man in his late 40 or early 50 I am guessing came into the aisle I was working in this evening. I asked him if there was anything I could help him with. He asked if I had any recommendation for wrapping paper for a 10 year old boy. Through conversation regarding the boy who the present was for Fireman K told me he had drawn a name from a giving tree. I commented on how Mandy and I do it each year ourselves trying to find a girl and a boy to buy for. He said he just got a boy but decided to dive the boy one of his best Christmases buy not just buying one of the items the boy had asked for but all of them.

We continued conversing while he looked at wrapping paper and I worked. I was reminded of some lean Christmases as a kid where people where generous to us with food and gifts. I let fireman K know that he was doing a great thing and I know when some one did it for us it was impacting on my life. This is also one of the reasons we have done the angel tree for most of our married years because we have been blessed enough to do so. I started to talk about how we want Jillian to be raised knowing how to give to others and that we have started working towards paring down some of her stuff and talking to her about giving some to less fortunate than us.

I also told Fireman K that one of the parents of a classmate was a Fireman and that we had talked to him about donating some of Jilly's stuffed animals to the Fire department. This is how I found out that Fireman K was a Fireman. He said it was a great idea and that the stuffed animals are a very important tool in helping children. I found out that one of his responsibilities while he was a fireman in Thurston county was educating children from about three to seven years of age.

The way he talked you could tell this was something he loved and was passionate about. Sadly it sounds as if this is not one of his duties in Manson County. But he was hopeful that he could do it again someday. After our conversation was done and I was left to my own thoughts. My mind went to how giving this man was.

Not only did he give and serve the people of Thurston County in the past and Manson County now each day by putting his life on the line. By being there to help and save people. By having a heart to educate children in hopes of helping their fears of the fire suits, to training how to be safe and respond in emergencies. This man wanted to give a ten year old boy a Christmas he would always remember.

Being able to meet and talk to this average looking man showed me how not average he was. I am filled with thanks and gratitude that there are men and women like Fireman K in our city, counties, states, and nation.

So Fireman K if I never see you again or speak to you I am going to say thank you anyways.

Thank you for all you give.

Day 17 Of Giving Thanks - 11/23/2010

I am thankful for all my wife does and tries to do while working, being a mother and a preggo. She is often too hard on herself. So I just wanted to brag on her briefly.

Mandy Mattos is one of the greatest, most beautiful and loving woman in all of God's creation. Yes this is a bias statement and I am proud to make it.

Love you Beautiful.

If You Could See What I See

all of my life
i have dreamed
that somehow love would find me
now i can't believe you're standing here

If beauty is all
in the eye
of the beholder then i
wish you could see
the love for you that lives in me

(Chorus)
And you would know you have my heart
If you could see, what i see
that a treasure's what you are
if you could see, what i see
Created to be
the only one for me
If you could see, what i see

I know there are days
when you feel
so much less than ideal
wondering what i see in you

It's all of the light
and the grace
your belief in me drives me to say
that i promise you
a faithful love, forever true

(Chorus)

if you could see
then you'd understand
why i fall down to my knees
and i pray my love
will be worthy of
the one who gave his life
so our love could be

if you could see
what i see(x2)

You're created to be
The perfect one for me
If you could see
What i see

if beauty is all
in the eye
of the beholder then i
am beholding...
true beauty

Day 16 Of Giving Thanks - 11/22/2010

One of the things I am thankful for today is the beauty of Nature.

The pure beauty of freshly fallen snow.

The joy of hearing your unborn child's heartbeat.

Nature in it's own elements contain much beauty. Thank you God for nature.

Day 15 Of Giving Thanks - 11/21/2010

Woke up with a head ache, Stayed home from church but tried to watch the service from home and video feed froze. Missed what sounded like some good parts of the sermon. Had to work. When left work found that my front passenger window had been busted out so someone could steal my wife's bible which they probably thought was a purse.

HHHMMMMMM. . . What am I thankful for. All the things that didn't go wrong. Like the $80 dollar saw the cd changer and small lcd tv they could have taken from the trunk...

Words that struck a cord - 11/20/2010

Hebrews 11:3 (Amplified Bible)

³By faith we understand that the worlds [during the successive ages] were framed (fashioned, put in order, and equipped for their intended purpose) by the word of God, so that what we see was not made out of things which are visible.

I read this verse in 'The Controversy: Roots of the Creation-Evolution Conflict'. It was one of two bible references that Dr. Chittick uses to establish the biblical support for God creating everything out of nothing. I am not sure of how many times I have read this verse or the opening verses in the Gospel of John which was Dr. Chittick's other reference. But today they reached something inside. Or we could say they stuck a cord.

Why did God take nothingness and create this world? This Galaxy? This Universe? Why did he create you or me or anybody and everybody else? I don't know but if I can't find anything else to be thankful about during this week that leads to one of the few truly American holidays I can be thankful that He did.

God I believe you created the universe and that includes me. So thank you for me. Help me to find a way to live life with joy and gratitude for me being me.

Just a side thought. If everything came from nothing through God. Then when we are feeling like nothings all we need is God to do his handy work. Then as always a nothing becomes a something.

Day 14 Of Giving Thanks - 11/20/2010

Life has its ups and downs. Sometimes in one day we will see multiple ups and multiple downs. Today I am thankful that there was more ups than downs. Secondly that the day thought starting on a series of downs ended higher than it began.

Day 13 Of Giving Thanks - 11/19/2010

Today I am thankful that despite the size of my fears, frustrations, hurts, or questions that God is teaching me that I can bring them to Him.

Day 12 of giving thanks - 11/18/2010

I am very thankful for this season. Even with as hard as it has been and and as much it feels far from where we want to be. This season has allowed me to experience my daughter in ways most fathers will never be able to. For this I am very blessed and very thankful.

Day 11 Of Giving Thanks - 11/17/2010

I am thankful for the blessing of family. Especially in the little unexpected things they do for each other.

Day 10 Of Giving Thanks - 11/16/2010

Today I say thanks to all of those people that have to deal with my attitudes when they are good or bad. Thanks for tolerating me and my imperfect attitudes.

Day 8 Of Giving Thanks - 11/14/2010

I found myself once again being touched and challenged by the words spoken from the pulpit at Living Water in Olympia, WA. Even when the words are a challenge or they are convicting I am thankful for the teaching and the church we have been graciously placed in at this time. My Thanks goes out to all that make this happen every weekend. It is because of your work and service that my family and many others are being touched in the Olympia area.

Just a side note. With all great teaching that we have been experiencing lately we fear Living Water may have ruined us for any other church.. ;)

Day 7 Of Giving Thanks - 11/13/2010

Sorry that this one is late. Was doing homework and forgot to post before bed.

Today I am thankful for my job. I find myself grumbling a lot about my job and the people I work with. I still am thankful for the provision and the needs that my job meets. So despite a grumbling and reluctant heart I am choosing to be thankful and express gratitude for my job.

But I am looking and needing something else and hop that I can be thankful for that provision soon.

Day 6 Of Giving Thanks - 11/12/2010

Today I am thankful for the compromise of time together. I got my shoulder to shoulder time with the wife and she got her CSI and Blue Blood watching in.

Day 5 Of Giving Thanks - 11/11/2010

Today I would like to start off that I am thankful for all the veterans who have served this country. I am thankful for the men and women who serve this nation to ensure we have the freedoms and liberties which our founding fathers wrote about, fought for and died for. In honor of these sacrifices and out of a hart of gratitude and thankfulness may we all learn to live worthy of the freedom we have. Not a freedom to live selfishly or a freedom to do whatever we want no matter who it hurts. But a freedom that is based in learning what true freedom is and how it is lived out by mature loving people.

It is because of this sacrifice I can be thankful for many things in my life. My right to worship and believe in God. My right to have a family and to pursue our dreams. My right to be a part of this nation and all it was founded on.

Thanks to our freedoms my family and I had a great day together. Enjoying one another and relaxing together.

Thank You.

Day 4 Of Giving Thanks - 11/10/2010

Today I am looking ahead to tomorrow for my thanks post. For tomorrow my wife daughter and I get to spend the day together from morning until night.

Day 3 Of Giving Thanks - 11/09/2010

I am Thankful for a wife who is much better at communicating than myself. I am also thankful for her willingness to keep trying to get me to communicate back to her more often and more in depth. Thank You Mandy and Thank You God for paring me with her.

Day 2 Of Giving Thanks - 11/08/2010

I am thankful for the gift of children. For the ability to love on them and be their parents. Their is nothing else that I know to which I can compare it to. Thank you Lord for my Jillbacca and The Joshua to come.

Day 1 Of Giving Thanks - 11/07/2010

Today I am thankful for a church that has been spiritually feeding this family well.

Sunday's reflections - 11/08/10

I have two points of reflection for today the first was a conviction from the message this morning at Living Water presented by Pastor Tim. The second comes from our later than suppose to happen Budget Committee Meeting for the month of November. Lets start with more Positive of the two reflections thanks to Tim's message.

The message this morning when boiled down is that by living out a life of thanksgiving we give God the room to move Powerfully in and through our Prayers. The part that was truly convicting to me was how often I don't tell God or others how thankful I am. And the second part was how often my prayers to God are centered on my needs, my frustrations, my struggles, the needs of others, their issues and how I feel about them and it goes on and on. But the focus is always out of a need not out of a thankful heart. So I have been convicted and I am wanting to respond. My response will also give me a chance for a more frequent postings. My goal in response to the challenge of being thankful and expressing my thanks to God and those around me is this. I am going to make it a habit to post on this blog daily through the end of the year something I have seen, heard or experienced that day to be thankful for. By focusing my heart and soul to look and share something to be thankful for and then by using that thing as a place to start my conversations with God that day will be a great opportunity for growth. So please come back to see how it is going and if you want to join me on the Thankfulness challenge feel free to come back and post your words of thanksgiving as comments each day.

On the less positive at least for my pride and emotion was something that came out of our budget meeting as we look towards the holidays and the expenses that are associated with them (AKA Christmas Gifts). Some of the readers are more familiar with my past and some of you maybe more familiar with my wife's. Mandy and I came from two different economical backgrounds mine being much lower than hers. One of the things that has been a driving factor in my life has been to keep my family from knowing a life similar to mine as a child. One of those was a lack of money. Now I never went with for a holiday. But there were some very slim years and some of those where made better through the love and generosity of family and strangers.

The conversation we had today took me to a place where I felt like I was staring my past in the face and it was saying to me I am here . . . with a evil grin on his face. Now Mandy and I could disregard a lot of what we are learning and working through just so I could prevent the past from coming this Christmas. Hear me it is no where near what it has been for me but the abundance we have been able to use to treat more than our immediate family with gifts has always been there. But this year the financial responsibilities are making it more difficult than ever as we look at this season. When Mandy asked me if I thought we should not buy gifts for each other it was like a blow to the gut and there was that evil grin saying I am here. We have already done minimal for our anniversary and our birthdays. It is a hard one for me to face.

When all I want to do for my children is provide a life that was better than mine. A house we could call a home (we messed up that one), never needing or lacking the basics, always celebrating birthdays and holidays with parties and gifts, not having to worry about if the power or phone was going to be working. Those to me are things I think about. And Sometimes my fear of them not being done adequately drives me to overcompensate. Just ask Mandy about birthday parties for her and Jilly. It is hard for me to do them small. Sometimes I have a tendency to give Jilly special treats more than she needs and sometimes deserves because here that voice saying I am coming.

I have to remind myself that for Mandy and I to learn to live a more disciplined life is far better than anything we can buy our children. By showing them how to live and work towards something better even if it means sacrifice is more valuable than a new Video Game, Book, CD, DVD or any toy we could buy for each other. So we make decisions now for a better future while learning to be thankful for all we have been given.

A Dream in the waiting - November 3, 2010

I am not sure why I have been feeling the need to write about this particular topic but it has been on my heart since almost my last post. This sadly was nearly a month ago. Now on the day I turn 34 I write about a dream that is in waiting. Enough said let’s get on to the dream.

Some of you reading this post maybe familiar with my dream and others of you may have never heard me speak of it. But this is a chance for me to lay it out before anyone who dares to read my blog.

I love coffee, the smell, the taste. To me coffee is more than a drink it is a part of life. Coffee at its heart is meant to be an experience, an opportunity to bring people together and celebrate life. From childhood coffee was something I saw and experienced as a part of life it was present at every holiday and almost every celebration. It was a part of fishing, camping, hunting and early mornings. I drank it with my family and many of my greatest friends. It was in High school that my true passion for coffee started to be birthed with the discovery of espresso based drinks and coffee shops. There was now more to coffee than just a drink there was a complete experience. Now I am not talking a Starbucks, or a national chain coffee experience. Not that these places don't have their place and they have done a lot to change the way coffee is viewed in America. I am talking about the experience of walking into a small room with tables, chairs, books, games, and people slightly crowded around the Bar. Low music playing in the background as the sound and smells of fresh coffee beans grinding and being brewed into a variety of drinks. Even more pleasurable was walking into a shop that roasted fresh beans daily. Talk about scent memories and wonderful thoughts running through your head. If you have never experienced a coffee shop other than a Starbucks, Seattle's Best, Tully, or a Pete's Coffee you got to find a good local shop to visit. Now I have experienced a few in my nearly 20 years of visiting coffee shops that are dirty, slow, loud, unfriendly, and just plain bad places for coffee. But believe me if you find a real shop with the right environment you will not being frequenting anything else.

After the experience my passion and attitude towards coffee changed even more and my love began to develop into a dream. At first it was just a whim of a dream that it would be cool to open my own coffee shop. This dream just sat and festered without being touched or explored as I made it through and moved on into adulthood. Who had times for dreams anyways and as most of us know dreams never come true. Heck before and during the coffee shop dream I had dreamed I wanted to be a marine biologist and a pastor. But the love for coffee and the love for coffee shops was strong and growing as I continued through life. Then a opportunity arose through the church I was attending to help out and later run their espresso stand/Coffee bar ministry and the dream awoke.

Now the dream had grown and changed over the years to something very specific and at the time very unique. The name for the dream came from a failed start up business venture with some high school bodies selling Christian Themed t-shirts and clothing. But the name would be re-birthed with my new idea of what the coffee shop I wanted to open would look like. Crossed Out Cafe became my dream and a place where my mind has spent many hours wondering and wandering over the years. A dream that to me seems so far away from reality and impossible to accomplish. A dream which I fear that I have missed because of opportunities not taken. Still the dream is there and it has been awakened. Over the last year Crossed Out has become a frequent part of my pondering. It is my dream. Whenever I am asked one of those hypothetical questions about “if money wasn't a factor you could do anything?” or “if you were given a million dollars what would you do?” it is my answer. My fear is it will never be more than a dream in waiting.

So what is Crossed Out the dream? I want it to be a place where you can have one of those coffee shop experiences I talked about earlier. With all of the smells, sounds and character that you would find at the local coffee shop. But instead of the New Aged/Alternative environment that is often associated with these shops, Crossed out will have a family-friendly Christian-oriented environment with Christ inspired decor, background music and staff. I want Crossed out to be the place you bring your family and friends to enjoy life, food, drinks, and each other. Crossed Out to me is more than just another coffee shop but is a chance to reach out and minister to the church and the Christian community. By offering people a place to come where their faith can be edified and supported by the environment they walk into. A place where a bible studies group or prayer group is welcomed and encouraged to come. In bigger picture of my dream Crossed Out would have meeting rooms for these groups if needed. Crossed Out would be open late to give college students and others a place to hang out or study. Crossed Out would display and sell artwork for local Christian artist and have an area for local Christian bands to perform. It would be the total coffee house just with a Christ centered environment and focus. This is the Crossed Out I dream of and fear I will never have the joy of seeing come to life.