I have two points of reflection for today the first was a conviction from the message this morning at Living Water presented by Pastor Tim. The second comes from our later than suppose to happen Budget Committee Meeting for the month of November. Lets start with more Positive of the two reflections thanks to Tim's message.
The message this morning when boiled down is that by living out a life of thanksgiving we give God the room to move Powerfully in and through our Prayers. The part that was truly convicting to me was how often I don't tell God or others how thankful I am. And the second part was how often my prayers to God are centered on my needs, my frustrations, my struggles, the needs of others, their issues and how I feel about them and it goes on and on. But the focus is always out of a need not out of a thankful heart. So I have been convicted and I am wanting to respond. My response will also give me a chance for a more frequent postings. My goal in response to the challenge of being thankful and expressing my thanks to God and those around me is this. I am going to make it a habit to post on this blog daily through the end of the year something I have seen, heard or experienced that day to be thankful for. By focusing my heart and soul to look and share something to be thankful for and then by using that thing as a place to start my conversations with God that day will be a great opportunity for growth. So please come back to see how it is going and if you want to join me on the Thankfulness challenge feel free to come back and post your words of thanksgiving as comments each day.
On the less positive at least for my pride and emotion was something that came out of our budget meeting as we look towards the holidays and the expenses that are associated with them (AKA Christmas Gifts). Some of the readers are more familiar with my past and some of you maybe more familiar with my wife's. Mandy and I came from two different economical backgrounds mine being much lower than hers. One of the things that has been a driving factor in my life has been to keep my family from knowing a life similar to mine as a child. One of those was a lack of money. Now I never went with for a holiday. But there were some very slim years and some of those where made better through the love and generosity of family and strangers.
The conversation we had today took me to a place where I felt like I was staring my past in the face and it was saying to me I am here . . . with a evil grin on his face. Now Mandy and I could disregard a lot of what we are learning and working through just so I could prevent the past from coming this Christmas. Hear me it is no where near what it has been for me but the abundance we have been able to use to treat more than our immediate family with gifts has always been there. But this year the financial responsibilities are making it more difficult than ever as we look at this season. When Mandy asked me if I thought we should not buy gifts for each other it was like a blow to the gut and there was that evil grin saying I am here. We have already done minimal for our anniversary and our birthdays. It is a hard one for me to face.
When all I want to do for my children is provide a life that was better than mine. A house we could call a home (we messed up that one), never needing or lacking the basics, always celebrating birthdays and holidays with parties and gifts, not having to worry about if the power or phone was going to be working. Those to me are things I think about. And Sometimes my fear of them not being done adequately drives me to overcompensate. Just ask Mandy about birthday parties for her and Jilly. It is hard for me to do them small. Sometimes I have a tendency to give Jilly special treats more than she needs and sometimes deserves because here that voice saying I am coming.
I have to remind myself that for Mandy and I to learn to live a more disciplined life is far better than anything we can buy our children. By showing them how to live and work towards something better even if it means sacrifice is more valuable than a new Video Game, Book, CD, DVD or any toy we could buy for each other. So we make decisions now for a better future while learning to be thankful for all we have been given.
I'm just a baby Christian having started at 49, but I do believe that to follow Jesus means sacrifice. Your last paragraph says it all. The Magi offered gifts to Him to honor Him, and what WE celebrate is the greatest gift ever given to mankind; Jesus. His life for ours. Nobody in any verse in His word, that I am aware of, has mentioned giving physical gifts to our children to celebrate the birth of our savior. Showing our family and friends our depth of gratitude for His gift to us by giving to our church and to others in NEED is, to me, far and away better than finding a way to give temporary and worldly gifts in pretty packages. OK. I'm done.
ReplyDeleteKenton, the road you and Mandy have chosen is a hard one, guaranteed. You ARE sacrificing now. You are going to give up things that you don't want to. But you know what??? THAT'S OK. I'm going to say that again: IT'S OK TO DO WHAT YOU'RE DOING. In fact... it's so beneficial.
ReplyDeleteThis year is Jilly's 4th Christmas. Do you think, when she's older, that she's going to remember that you didn't get her a cell phone, a pony, an iPod, a million movies, and a Barbie Dream House? NOPE.
She IS going to remember that Mommy and Daddy always made Christmas magical. She's going to remember WHY we celebrate. She's going to remember how much she was LOVED. Perhaps this Christmas is a time to start a new tradition... Something that can grow and be a joyful memory/activity each year. When I moved into my house, my first Christmas started MY tradition - Christmas morning, first thing, I come to the tree, and open a plainly wrapped shoe box. Each year I write a small note - with my gift to Jesus... it IS His birthday we're celebrating, after all. Usually my gift is something inside of me, but often I put a symbol of what that means in the box with the letter I wrote. After I give this year's gift, I read the letters from previous years. It's quiet, it's simple, and it reminds me WHY we're celebrating. And by the way - it costs nothing; at least monetarily. :)
I know that you intention was not to write about the giving or not giving of gifts. But I did want to point out what we've talked about in the past, especially in regard to Jilly.
ReplyDeleteYou HAVE to look at all of the non-material things that you HAVE given her. They are really so much greater than anything material that you could have given her, finances allowing.
Because of your presence, and your love and your willingness to take time out of YOUR life, your daughter is ALWAYS going to know that her daddy loved her with all he had. You have NO idea what that is going to do for her in her life. The foundation that you have laid, even now, will allow her to excel in ways that you and I could even have dreamed.
She has a firm foundation of love (even though it doesn't always feel firm to us).
I know this season is hard, and I know it hurts. I know, as much as I can, what it is like to have the enemy do a neener-neener in your face. But we can't let him. We have to trust God and HIS promises. Trust that He will honor our choices and bless our lives. And we need to continue to grow. Don't let yourself think that the enemy has won. You are God's child! You were bought, with a price! You were worth everything and HE loves you! He knows your hurts and He wants to heal them. Allow him to do that. Allow Him to teach you who He truly is and be the father you have never had. And if that is all that He wants to do in this season. And financial gain never comes . . . we still would have an abundance of wealth untold.
God is ministering to you in these painful places. He wants to take your hurt and turn it in to something beautiful for your family and for His kingdom. And you bearing these hurts is the first step to the healing process. I am SOOOOO proud of you!!
Thank You all for the reminders. The post was not about the need to give gifts but more about the fears and struggles that are inside of me that something so tangible (Money) which was something that was lacking in my life and which made some parts of my life hard and undesirable. It was one of the things that was on my 'when I grow up and become a parent my child will never list'. My child will not know what its like to not have money to have fun, get good things, have good food and etc...
ReplyDeleteIt is a struggle, a battle in my head, my heart my soul. At times I feel like I and my family are winning as we move forward in our finances and other areas. Then there are times like the other day where I see the enemies darts and I get hit hard anyways.