Finishing Strong..

We are in the last 29 days of the 90 day man challenge. I started out strong had lost close 14 lbs in the first 30 days was completing 80% or more of my goals. However most of October can be summarized as an epic fail.

We made it through OSL and that was about the only Goal I completed during that time. I have barely walked because of lack of motivation and issues with my knees. My eating habits have slipped terribly. I have been walking around with my head hanging low so to speak, with a heart filled with sadness and defeat. But not anymore...

I am recommitting myself for the last 28 days to finish strong. Going back to my goals and walking them out daily. Join me in this journey and see me finish strong.

Kenton J Mattos

The Stuff of Dreams, Hopes and Faith

I have recently been working through some thoughts regarding dreams, hope and faith. How does one walk through the process of dreaming and hoping while keeping ones faith and hope in the right place? In my recent processing I came to a realization. It is hard for me to dream and hope.

As I was reading back through some journal entries from before I met Mandy I saw a lot of things I wrote about that I had dreamed about and hoped for. Things I believed God was showing me and had given to me to pray about. None of these things came to fruition. I ask why and didn’t initially come up with a reason. Having no reason adds fuel to the fire of disappoint from dreams and hope.

How does one walk in faith when you have a mounting pile of unfulfilled dreams and abandoned hope pilling up before you? Often times for me you don’t. You just stop putting faith in hopes and dreams. Then as you stop putting faith in them you stop believing in them. As you stop believing in them you don’t want to have them and a dream goes from giving one something to hope for into something to hold at a distance and regret.

It was in this process of thinking I have found myself dappling in for some time. Faithless, hopeless and wishing I was dreamless. But I am not. I have a dream. Not a small one or something I am even close to being able to do right now. This is why this dream requires an element of hope to support it life as a dream. Hope that somehow some way it can happen.
It will die there or at least will stay dormant there as it has for years until somehow something else is added to the mix. It is like having a seed planted in soil. It will always stay a seed and may even decay and rot so it becomes a part of the soil unless something is added to the mix. For the soil and seed picture you need water, for the dream and hope picture you need faith.

If you don’t water the seed correctly the very thing the seed and the soil need can actually be a part of the destruction. Faith can also do the same to the hope and the dream as I have experienced. It is not the act of having faith that is the down fall as I thought. I had bought into the thought that I have put faith into these other things and I believed in them and for them to occur and look what happened, nothing. Faith produces nothing. That is what my track record shows me.

I recently began to have a revelation about this faith, hope and dreaming thing. I discovered a tendency in my life. I have a tendency to put my faith in the hope or the dream. It is like expecting the seed and the soil to produce the water needed. When I look at my life and all the things I have but my faith in. I see one thing lacking, a correct placement of faith.

Where should one place their faith? How does one place their faith correctly? Is this something we should inherently know or are we supposed to learn as we go? What about being trained in the ways of placing our faith?

All these questions have been working through me as I have worked through my thoughts and as I began to write this blog. Have I come up with any answers? Yes. Do I have it all figured out so I can start walking in the right faith? No.

At some point in life the inherent ability of a child to have faith, to hope and to dream was lost or at least polluted. Now I have to work at faith and to retrain myself in living out faith. I need others to show me and teach me what it looks like and how it works. It is like a muscle that hasn’t been used because of an injury. It needs to be used and exercised so it can become strong and work correctly again.

Back to the question of where do we put our faith. I have seen and heard a very clear message lately. A message I have been reading about in my devotion time. A message I have heard and seen in the lives of people around me. God is the one I need to put my faith in.

90 Day Man Challenge - Kenton's Goals and Guidelines

Dan Miller in his book 48 days to the work you love outlines 7 areas that we need to work on to have a balanced life. I am structuring my goals around these 7 areas. Financial, Physical, Personal Development, Family, Spiritual, Social and Career.

Financial:
Budget (FPU) – Mandy and I will be committing to create and follow a budget for the next 90 days.
Medical Bills – Pay off all medical bills.

Physical:
Exercise – I will be walking/jogging/running everyday for 30 minutes.
Vitamins – Mandy and I will be taking a regimen of vitamins and supplements to help support our physical health. This includes Chromium, Niacin, Fish Oil and Vitamin D.
Diet – There are two main goals I have here one is food consumption the other is fluid intake.
Food Guidelines:
1)Five meals a day all will contain a protein and either a fruit or veggie.
2)Three meals will include a grain not exceed two servings of processed whole grains (bread, tortillas, pasta)
3)At least half of the fruit, veggies and nuts are to be eaten raw.
Fluid intake:
1)Large glass of water with each meal.
2)No soda pop or energy drinks.
3)Limit coffee intake to less than 20 oz in a day.

Personal Development:
Self-Improvement – Audio Book - I will be listening to as many as I can of the following list of audio books while I am doing my daily exercise. Bringing Up Girls, Wild at Heart, Captivating, Outlive Your Life, Fearless, Come Thirsty, Love and War and The Purpose Driven Life.
Self-Improvement – Blogging – I am Committing to making at least two blog entries a week on either my blog (http://betweenpadawanandmaster.blogspot.com/ ) or our family blog (http://www.themattosfamily.blogspot.com/ ).
Education – AAS - I have two goals under the education category. The first is to complete the 4 credits I am short for my associates degree. I have already enrolled and the class start on Sept. 26.
Education – Microsoft Cert. - I also have enrolled in a Microsoft e-learning program and want to have my Microsoft certification for Microsoft Office 2007 by the end of the challenge.

Family:
Date Nights – Our goal is to find one or two other couples who we can child swap with, so we can do at least two date nights a month.
Daddy Daughter Time – Setting aside time once or twice a month where I and Jillian can just be together without Mandy or Joshua.

Spiritual:
Read God's Word Daily – I will be using the Life Journal reading outline.
Journal Daily – I will be writing something everyday, It doesn't have to be about my reading.
OSL – Mandy and I are registered for the OSL class coming up in October.
Meditation – Twice a week I will find a place where there is more of God's creation than Man's creation so I can reflect, pray and listen.
Regal Host Team – Mandy and I will be working with Regal leadership to create a new host team.

Social:
Sunday Brunches – Mandy and I will commit to scheduling one brunch each month for the next 90 days. We will be inviting two couples to each brunch with an emphasis on introducing our family to families who we are not familiar with.
Regal Host Team – See Spiritual Goal.

Career:
Education – See Personal Development Goal.
Crossed Out Cafe – I am committing to pray daily for my dream Crossed Out Cafe.
New Job – I am committing to pray daily for direction and the provision of a new job.
Job Hunting Skills – Goal one create a new resume for IT positions, customer service position and a general/complete work history. Goal two create a 60 second commercial and practice it at least once a week. Goal three find three to four people to work with me on interviewing skills.

Need Input - 09/02/2011

Have you ever questioned who you are? If you have worth? Does this mean you despise yourself? Do you feel like you despise yourself?

I often find myself in a struggle with how I see myself. My self view is for the most part not a positive one. I often find it a struggle to see myself the way others tell me they do and especially the way I am told that God sees me. I don't feel like I hate myself, I just don't like who I see myself being. There is much of what I see that is not what I want it to be and what I believe God wants it to be. But does this mean I despise myself?

A passage from Jeremiah stood out to me today as I was reading. God is speaking to Jeremiah about how the Jews viewed themselves not as the single nation of Israel but as two nations (Israel and Judah). God sees them as one nation, one people, His chosen people – the Jews.

Jeremiah 33:24
Have you not noticed that these people [the Jews] are saying, The Lord has cast off the two families [Israel and Judah] which He chose? Thus My people have despised [themselves in relation to God as His covenant people], so that they are no more a nation in their [own] sight.

God says to Jeremiah that my people who I have chosen as a nation and called to be my people hate or despise themselves. What is his criteria for saying they despise themselves? The fact that they see themselves not as God sees them, as God puts it, means they despise themselves.

How often do you see yourself as God sees you? How often do you chose to see yourself differently? I sadly have to answer that I find myself with a larger number to the later question. How do I change this? In the words of Johnny 5 “Need input”.

I need to input into my life. Things that build in me the image of how God sees me. So where do I find these inputs? I have thought and struggled through this question a lot over the years. The hard part is that often the answers seem so cliche and simple.

How did God try to get the Jews to see themselves as he did? This is not an exhaustive list of all the things he did. But when I evaluate the answers I have been given over my lifetime and combine that with what I have read about how God interacted with the Jews I have come up with the following observations:

1)God's Word (The Bible, The Holy Scriptures) – The Jews didn't have a bible like we have today. A lot of what we see in a written form was being spoken and written as the Jews lived through it. God used the ceremony, festivals and sacrifices led by the priests as one way to remind the Jews of what he had spoken and done for them. Another key component for the Jews receiving God's word was the Prophets. Today we have been given most of what the Jews had in a concise written format we call The Bible.

1 John 5:1
EVERYONE WHO believes (adheres to, trusts, and relies on the fact) that Jesus is the Christ (the Messiah) is a born-again child of God; and everyone who loves the Father also loves the one born of Him (His offspring).

2)Creation – All of creation was designed to speak to us about God. His power, divinity, creativity, beauty and love. The earth wasn't created for the angels, the animals or the plants. We see it was created for us as people.

Psalm 104: 14-15
14He makes grass grow for the cattle,
and plants for people to cultivate—
bringing forth food from the earth:
15 wine that gladdens human hearts,
oil to make their faces shine,
and bread that sustains their hearts.

3)People – People are a part of the creation so I could have generalized it there and people were used by God in delivering His word. But I think the significance goes beyond just being a part of creation or a means of delivery. God made people with specific purposes, desires and needs. People where created to be with each other, to be together, to share experiences and to communicate. Another way to say this is people were created to be in relationships (“It is not good for man to be alone.” Gen 2:18). These relationships and the people in them are a significant part of the development of our views.

Romans 12:4-5
4 For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5 so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.

4)Place of Worship (The Temple, Synagogs, The Church) – Having a place where we participate in learning and teaching of the word. A place where we actively participate in worshiping God through ceremony, posture and words (hymns, songs, creeds, poems). This is the place where people are relating with other people and with God.

Hebrews 10:24-25
24 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, 25 not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

God has been doing many things in my life. He is revealing to me much about who I am and who I think I am. He has placed me in a Church which has been teaching me, spurring me on and building me up in my faith. I have been blessed with friends who are loving on us and speaking into our lives. God has been giving me a lot of input.

Sometimes it is easy to receive and believe the input. But there are times, which are more frequent than I would like to admit, where deep inside I stop seeing and hearing what the input has told me. In those moments I fall prey to the thoughts, the feelings, the past fears and failures. My heart and my mind get weighed down and life is hard to live out Joy and peace seem all but a glimpse and hope is hard to find. In those times I find myself drawing inward and pulling away from all the things that would fight against my darkness. I know I need to reach out. I know I need input, but it is hard to do.

I am learning and growing. Even in that place of darkness and despair, God is reaching me. Someday soon I hope to say that those moments are few and far apart. Until that day comes I pray that everyone who reads this post will lift me up in prayer and support and that God will continue to let me know who He is and who I am in Him.

Met in the Midst - 06/05/32011

There are things in life we desire to see. That we believe or feel are important to us. Somethings that we even wonder why that aren't happening or why they are lacking in our lives. The thoughts and questions may even go to a place of feeling that these desires are good and beneficial to our lives. That the things we desire are the things God would want for us.

When then look at our lives, the circumstances, things with in our control and things that are not with in our control. New questions form in our minds when it comes to these desires. Such as questions regarding the validity of the desires or why the circumstances are interfering with the desires that you know are good. You may even begin to question God and why he hasn't moved you past those circumstances.

In light of recent events I am learning that some times God will meet in the midst of the very circumstances. Mandy and I have been in a place of lacking for relationship. People that we could experience life with, who could support us. A close circle of friends. Not that we don't have relationships and people who love and support us. But people who are not 2 to 3 hours away. We have blamed our work schedules, particularly mine, for not enabling us to connect in the last year and a half we have been in Washington. We have been praying and hoping for a new job for me that would change many of our circumstances. The circumstances still haven't changed and the desires and questions are going through our hearts and minds.

However, lately we have been seeing more and more provision in the midst of the circumstances. God is choosing to meet some of the desires in the midst of the things we see blocking or interfering with our dreams. hopes and desires. This doesn't mean He has meant them all. We also have some big desires and hopes which weigh us down when we see them not being met in our desired time table or time frame. Recently I wrote an entry called "a moment to smile at" which recounted a small fraction of God meeting our desire and need for relationships. We have been blessed with the opportunity to spend some time with some very special people. They have opened their lives and homes to us, despite the short amount of time we have known them. They have blessed us beyond words with smiles, prayers, coffee meetings, babysitting, and their invitation to join them in walking through life.

Even with the job circumstances not changing and some decision made that we hoped would not have to be made. He has been faithful to meet some of our needs and our desires. In the very midst of what we thought were circumstance that prevented the very desires he has met.

A moment to smile at - 05/31/2011

Those of you who have been following my blog or have been following the journey that Mandy and I have been on over the last couple of years may have heard us talk about the lack of friends in our lives. The schedule I have been on for almost 5 years and the move to Washington have made it hard on us both in the area of connecting with other believers. But in the midst of our frustration while we wait in anticipation for the changes in our schedules God has recently brought an opportunity to us to establish friendships.

A week ago from last Saturday we took Jillian to the Lacey Fun Fair. The daughter of one of the guys I had gotten the chance to hang out with at the men conference a few weeks ago was in the parade at the fun fair. So after we hung out for a while looking at booths with Jilly we decided to go get a bite to eat. Then we saw the Stark and Himes families and they invited us to sit with them. So we did and that started a whole day of hang out time. After the fair we all head to that S-place for coffee. Then they invited us over to the Stark's house for a BBQ but I had to work. I encouraged Mandy to go with out me which she did.

All of this said just to lead up to the moment I encountered Sunday morning at church. A moment that made me smile with a grin that went from ear to ear. I had gone to check in Jillian for her Sunday School class for church at the Living Water Regal Campus Service. Jilly was not wanting to go and so I was a little frustrated by this but her step picked up and attitude changed when she saw the Starks and sound out that their daughter was in class. Then upon returning to the lobby I was greeted with a wonderful heart warming sight. There was Mandy, not standing alone as I have so often found her lately, surrounded by our new friends. Katy and April were talking with her and Michael and Seth stood nearby waiting for me.

What a blessing. Thank you Lord and Thank you Michael, Katy, Seth and April.

Optimus Prime vs. Eeyore - A lesson in perspective

If you read the title of this blog post you may be thinking along the lines of what Optimus and Eeyore have to do with each other. It would be hard pressed to find two animated characters who are more different than Optimus and Eeyore. When you think about it Optimus and Eeyore are on opposite ends of the spectrum. Now I am not saying that Eeyore is a evil super-villain in disguise. But you look at the personalities of Optimus the confident, powerful, heroic leader of the Autobots, and the gloomy, pessimistic, down trodden Donkey of the 100 Acre Wood you can see how opposite they are. You might be thinking that it would make for a much shorter blog post if I was to write about the similarities between Optimus and Eeyore. That is if you can find any similarities other than that they are both cartoon characters.

Here is the biggest similarity.......

Peter Cullen.......

Some of you may be wondering Peter who? Peter Cullen is a voice actor who has quite an extensive filmography and has been doing voices since 1976. You may be making a connection here. Voices and cartoon characters. Peter Cullen is the voice of Optimus Prime in the new hit live action/CGI Transformer Movies from 2007 to the newest release coming out this year as well as the voice in the original animated series from 1984 until 1987. Peter Cullen was also the voice of you Eeyore from 1988 until 2009. Here is a video clip of Peter using both voices.

From the perspective that both Optimus and Eeyore are being played by the same person you can find a new set of differences. The differences in what makes the voice of Peter Optimus and what makes it Eeyore. I find three T's can be used to show the difference. Tone, Tempo and Terminology. Optimus speaks with authority, confidence and strength. "Autobots Roll Out!" Slow it down a bit and soften the strength of the voice and you will begin to hear Eeyore. Now just and an "I suppose" to the end and you have totally turned Optimus into Eeyore. "Autobots... Roll... Out... I suppose.."

How many places in our life do we take the characteristics, skills and disciplines that a Christian should have; a growing, victorious life and with a few changes to the tone, tempo and terminology they become negative? We allow conviction to become condemnation. We allow discipline and self control to become a lack of freedom. We see the words of correction spoken into our lives as words of disapproval or that we are disliked. Between our flesh, mind and the influence of the enemy we can easily go from Optimus to Eeyore. All it takes is for the tone, the tempo or the terminology to be changed.

One such skill that a growing and maturing Christian needs is the ability to look at/into themselves (James 1:23-25). I find myself saying I am not very good at this skill of introspection or soul-searching. Then it came to me that I do this quiet well. But just not in the positive way. Instead of a self-awareness that results in me changing and growing as I seek to improve who I see myself as. I often fall into a pattern of self-deprecation. I see the pit I am in and decide to make it bigger. I pull an Eeyore.

I have been assigned by some close loved ones a title that I am not proud of. I am often called an Eeyore or Charlie Brown because of my frequent gloominess and lack of confidence. So this post is personal to me in this fact. I know I don't want to be called an Eeyore. I know that God hasn't called me to be an Eeyore. Do you want to be seen by the people around as an Eeyore or an Optimus?

What characteristics, skills and disciplines in your life have you allowed to become traits that produce Optimus and which ones produce Eeyore? Remember it doesn't take more than an adjustment of the tone, the tempo or the terminology to go from one to the other.

David or Saul - 05/06/2011

When Looking at the story of David, Bathsheba and Uriah our human minds give weight to David's sin. David's actions here are probably in the top 5 most grievous of sins written about in the Bible. He committed adultery and then killed several men to cover up his sin. He out right in cold blood had the man who was the husband of the woman he slept with killed. And that was only after his failed attempt at covering up his sin. Uriah wasn't the only man to die that day in battle other men died also. David was caught in the middle a sin spiral. With each move trying to cover it up making his sin that much greater.

Have you found yourself slowly starting with a "small" sin, looking at another woman lustfully in David's case? Then instead of dealing with the little sin it slowly grows into bigger and more grievous sins, We see David path into adultery, deception, and the murder of multiple men. All which could have been stilted at the thought, right? If he had just stopped then the rest wouldn't have happened? Oh the power of hindsight or of being able to look at the path of others choices. Some times it becomes so easy to see the path and the results of each choice when you get to the end and look back.

One of the questions I have is what was different between David's fall to Sin and Saul's fall. I see a few that challenge my thinking of how I respond to sin in my life. Take a quick read through these two passages of scripture one about Saul and one about David.

1 Samuel 15:3-32
15:24 And Saul said to Samuel, I have sinned; for I have transgressed the commandment of the Lord and your words, because I feared the people and obeyed their voice.25 Now, I pray you, pardon my sin and go back with me, that I may worship the Lord.

2 Samuel 11:1 - 2 Samuel 12:23
12:13 And David said to Nathan, I have sinned against the Lord. And Nathan said to David, The Lord also has put away your sin; you shall not die.

Both had sinned against God, both tried to cover it up through deceptive actions(David tried to get Uriah to sleep with Bathsheba even to the point of getting him drunk then when that failed killed him, Saul tried to blame it on the people of Israel and tried to claim he did it for God.), both men God sent a prophet to identify and point out their sins, and as we see in 1 Samuel 15:24 and 2 Samuel 12:13 they both acknowledged their sins. So why did God react different? God removed His anointing from Saul but not from David. What is the difference? When the lives are compared I see two differences.

One their view of God. We see two completely differing views of God. Think about the story of David and Goliath. If we look over the books of 1 and 2 Samuel we see David's view of God as being personal, he claimed God as his own. Saul never personalized God, God was always distanced. David always faced circumstances and calamities even the ones that where his fault with belief in what God could do and with worship. Saul would walk in disbelief and seek other sources for direction.

The second was their reaction to their Sin. David walked in repentance and sought God through fasting and worship. Saul went home and continued life. David rejoiced and lived a life with a joyous heart. Saul was plagued with depression and a darkness over his life. David corrected his life and refocused on God. Saul looked else where for guidance.

When we find ourselves in a place of disobedience and sin, which we will. How do we respond? How do we view God? The answers to these questions can have a great impact on our lives and our effectiveness in life. Some would argue that if you believe in Jesus your sins are covered and you are forgiven so why does it matter? The impact of our lives and the consequences for our actions are not a matter of salvation. David even in the midst of his repentance had to face consequences that touched him and his family for generations. We need to be aware of our sins not because they can not be forgiven or our relationship with God destroyed, but because the effect on our lives and the lives of those around us. You can be forgiven for murder but the family of the victim still has to face the impact of the choice as well as the murderer facing the punishment.

The challenge I leave for myself and you is this. Can we allow forgiveness of sins to be a fix-it solution for sin? How do we view God in light of our moments of obedience and disobedience? How are we going to choose to respond to our past failures, our future failures, the consequences of our failures and the consequences of those around us?

I know for me I am still working on getting to the David like response.

Some where between Padawan and Master: Oops He Did it Again - 04/28/2011

Some where between Padawan and Master: Oops He Did it Again - 04/28/2011: "When I look at the last few verses of Matthew 15 I am bewildered by how the disciples the top 12 or even the elite three didn't seem to reme..."

Oops He Did it Again - 04/28/2011

When I look at the last few verses of Matthew 15 I am bewildered by how the disciples the top 12 or even the elite three didn't seem to remember what happened not that long ago. In another deserted area with a large crowed who had been listening to Jesus and watching him heal the sick. Jesus again noted the physical needs of the people the took care of healing the sick and then recognizes that the people are hungry and decides to feed them before they are sent away.

Wasn't just the last chapter where we see 5000 feed. This is almost like an instant replay. Healing, Hungry, Lets feed them. The disciples respond with where are we to get enough food. Why didn't they remember the last time Jesus asked this question? I mean wouldn't we respond with something like. "Jesus we don't have enough food to feed everyone but remember the fish and loaves thing you did to feed all those people last time. Well we have 7 loaves of bread and a few fish do you think you can do it again?"

Stop for a moment and reflect on your life. Your temptations, your circumstances, your physical needs, your financial needs. Has he provided in the past? Then why are there times where we face a similar situation, only the name on the bill or the amount of time unemployed is different, do we not remember his provision.

Is it just me? I don't think so. Look back to the Old Testament. How about the book of judges. God raised up a Judge. They would save Israel from their enemies, their persecutors, their punishment for turning from God. Israel would see how they had turned from God and would return to him only to, often with in a generation or two, turn away again. Then they would cry out. It is like the instructions on the shampoo to rinse and repeat until the hair is clean.

The good news is that God is willing to rinse and repeat for far longer than any of us would have the patience to. The other good news is that through the death and resurrection and then the ascension of Christ to the Father we have been given a few things that Israel and the disciples had at this point in Matthew 15. We have been given freedom from sin through the blood of Jesus. He has become the righteousness in our lives and for our lives. We have been given direct access to God, we are his adopted sons and daughters. We have been given the Holy Spirit to work in our lives, and now it is not just a fleeting moment of "the spirit of God came upon" it is a permanent indwelling.

I and the Lord both know my struggle with remembering the past and seeing His hand in my life. But he is repeating the cycle in my life as I am learning and seeing more of what he has done, is doing and will do in my life and the lives of others. I am also; with God's love, patience and mercy being given to me; learning how to see and use what was given to me so I can succeed.

2 Peter 1:3-8
3 For His divine power has bestowed upon us all things that [are requisite and suited] to life and godliness, through the [full, personal] knowledge of Him Who called us by and to His own glory and excellence (virtue).4 By means of these He has bestowed on us His precious and exceedingly great promises, so that through them you may escape [by flight] from the moral decay (rottenness and corruption) that is in the world because of covetousness (lust and greed), and become sharers (partakers) of the divine nature.5 For this very reason, adding your diligence [to the divine promises], employ every effort in exercising your faith to develop virtue (excellence, resolution, Christian energy), and in [exercising] virtue [develop] knowledge (intelligence),6 And in [exercising] knowledge [develop] self-control, and in [exercising] self-control [develop] steadfastness (patience, endurance), and in [exercising] steadfastness [develop] godliness (piety),7 And in [exercising] godliness [develop] brotherly affection, and in [exercising] brotherly affection [develop] Christian love.8 For as these qualities are yours and increasingly abound in you, they will keep [you] from being idle or unfruitful unto the [full personal] knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One).9 For whoever lacks these qualities is blind, [spiritually] shortsighted, seeing only what is near to him, and has become oblivious [to the fact] that he was cleansed from his old sins.

Bad News Leads to Great Works - Matthew 14 - 04/27/2011

n Mathew 14 John the Baptist is killed by Herod. Then in verse 13 we see Jesus' response to the news. He sought a private and solitary place. I believe that Jesus was grieved. Not only was John a prophet for God he was Jesus cousin. This sad moment leads Jesus to a deserted place and sets the back drop for two great miracles.

In the midst of Jesus' emotion and desire for solitude the crowds find him and he shows them compassion. He heals the sick and then one of the big miracles is set in motion. The feeding of the 5000. The miracle of taking food and multiplying to meet the physical hunger of the people. After he has met their need for food and healing he sends his disciples and the multitudes away.

Then we see Jesus go to seek the solitude he needed and he prayed. All alone he prayed. As public as Jesus ministry was at this time he made time to get alone and pray. Can you imagine what he might have prayed about? I know my prayers might have been something like this.

Father God,

Sometimes I would just like a break. Can you believe these people. I came all the way out here to be alone. To grieve the loss of my flesh and blood and your messenger.

Then they come asking for healing. They couldn't have even brought food to eat. They are so needed. It is all about them. What about me?

Amen

Aren't we glad Jesus isn't like us. Even in the midst of turmoil and the bad of life, even in his flesh, he took the time to love on and care for the people who came to him. I think his alone time with God was a time of refocusing so he could keep his eyes on the Father and his mission. When he is done praying he decides to go for a walk as only the Son of God can. He walks on the sea if that wasn't enough he goes walking on a rough sea with wind and waves.

The waves and wind which the disciples have been fighting against while he was praying, he just walks right on through. The Disciples see him coming and are afraid. Every time I read this story my though is "Come on now disciples he just healed a bunch of people and feed 5000 men". But how many times do I find myself doing the same? Not getting the power of Jesus. Not seeing that even in the situation He is God. Even after he has just shown me great compassion and provision for something else.

He invites Peter out and even when looking Jesus in his face the chaos around "The Rock" distracts him. The veteran seaman looses sight because of the waves. What hope do we have when the Seaman who is one of the big three, the inner circle gets distracted and begins to loose faith? The hope is seen later in the new testament. A great hope that speaks of a faith that grows to a point where even the distractions persecution and even the face of death can no longer sway "The Rock".

Jesus gets on the boat and the seas calm. Then everyone shouts You are truly the son of God. The revelation of God and who he was came through a moment of Sorrow and Jesus' need to seek solitude. In the midst of the crap of life The Son of God was revealed.

When I look over my life I can find a lot of crap. A mountain of bad news and bad times. But when I look carefully and open my heart to what else is there in the midst of the chaos and the negative I see some thing unexpected. I see good news of a God who reveals Himself in the midst of it all. A God who has compassion on me despite my own stupidity and failure. A God who stops and meets my needs.

The Soil of Life - Matthew 13 - 04/26/2011

As I look back at my life I can see that my life has been each of the soils that Jesus talks about at one point or another. I can also look back and say with sadness that I wish my life was like the good soil more often than it is.

There are times when influences, circumstances, mindsets, needs and wants take the good soil of my life and pollute it with rocks and weeds. This is the bad news and the stuff of life we all face. But there is good news.

If you where to decide to grow a garden at your home and you only find soil that is rocky and/or full of weeds. You could give up on the garden or you can work the ground and make it good soil by removing the pollutants. By working the soil and replacing the bad stuff with good soil, amendments, and fertilizers. You change the condition of the soil from unable to grow good fruits to soil that will produce good fruit.

Thank God that as we have recently celebrated Easter and all that Christ did through the death and The Resurrection we can be reminded that the things that are needed to turn bad unproductive soil to soil that produces great crops has been offered to us through Jesus. All we have to do is open our lives our soil to the work that needs to be done. We just need to offer him our weeds and our rocks so he can replace them with the amendments, fertilizers, and good soil we need.

This was a part of my recent experience at the Men's conference I went to. As I was finishing that last part of Max Lucado's book "He Choose the Nails" Max addresses the need to take the trash of our lives to the cross of Jesus. We need to place it at the foot of the cross. Once it is at the foot of the cross the blood shed by Jesus can run over it covering it in his covenant, his righteousness, and his promise to make us into righteousness. He takes his good soil and uses it to replace the bad stuff in our lives making us good soil.

So this is my challenge to each of us today. What weeds do you see in your life? Is there seeds of weeds that are being planted because of the things you choose to expose yourself to? What rocks are there in your life? Is there circumstances, thoughts and behaviors in your life that instead of bring them to the surface you keep them buried in the soil? Ask the Holy Spirit to help you see these things, the pollutants in your life keeping you from seeing the great production and good fruit in your life. Then when you see something take it to the cross and leave it there. Sometimes it will be hard and you may go back and pick it up. But to see the fruit of good soil you have to take it back to the cross. Thank you Jesus that there is forgiveness even forgiveness for our attachment and unwillingness to let the rocks and weeds go.

David's Words Needed in My Head - Psalms 57 - 04/22/2011

In Psalms 57 we again see David bringing his fears, frustrations, and hurts to the Lord. As you read through the Psalms especially the ones written by David you will see a few patterns. One David personalizes his relationship with God. Look for the use of personal words like my and your. See How he address God, not distantly but directly as if he is speaking to God.

The second pattern is seen here in chapter 57. David starts with what appears negative like he is complaining or grumbling. But there is a change in the direction of the Psalms in verse 5. In the midst of his own negativeness David turns to worshiping God by speaking of what God has done, pointing out God's character and God's promises and provisions.

Read a Psalms and look for these patterns. Then do as I am challenged to do today. Make it your own. Verses 7-11 to me is a statement I need to make my own. I need to take what David is saying and bury it in my heart and mind. Make it my view and my rock to stand upon. Make it personal.

It will come - Psalms 31 & Matthew 7 - 04/20/2011

My life journal reading(YouVersion - Life Journal Plan) took me through Psalms 31 and Matthew 7 as well as two other chapters. I am writing about Psalms 31 and Mathew 7 because of two particular passages that stood out and seemed to connect together to form a single thought. A thought which pertains to where I am at spiritually in life. I don't believe this is a coincidence, it was for a purpose. My choosing to write about it may seem like a coincidence to some of you who may choose to read this, but it is not either. I believe that for some of you this is a message you need to hear or you know someone who needs to hear it. In either case please take this entry as a word of encouragement. Use it how you would like. Take it and share it with others as I have written it or as it has meaning to you. Possess it, take hold of it, personalize it. That is one of the wonderful things about scripture is we can make it a part of us. So be blessed, lifted up, edified and encouraged by God's word.

We are going to focus in on Psalms 31:24 and Matthew 7:7-8. However, feel free to read the scope of these chapters beyond these three verses. There is a lot of good stuff to be found.

Psalms 31:24
24 Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for and hope for and expect the Lord!
Matthew 7:7-8
7 Keep on asking and it will be given you; keep on seeking and you will find; keep on knocking [reverently] and [the door] will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who keeps on asking receives; and he who keeps on seeking finds; and to him who keeps on knocking, [the door] will be opened.

If you have been following my blog or have been following the life of Mandy and myself, in particular our spiritual journey, you may have seen or heard us talk about the place we are at, the questions we have, the things we are seeking, the doubts we have and the fears we struggle with in regards to faith and trust.

God has been particularly targeting some specific parts or components of our spiritual lives. Now I am not speaking for Mandy on all of theses points, yet in a way I am as her husband. Some points are more of my struggle and some are more of her struggle. I tend to be stubbornly content with life and she tends towards worrying. I fear change because it is change and could be different and she fears change because it is either not in her control or it leads to some place she doesn't know (just a glimpse of differences). Yet I find answers in these three verses that speak clearly to us both individually and to our family as a whole. My hope is that you will see answers also despite how different or similar you may be to us. I would like to start with some questions for you then go back and read the verse again.

Can you see what God's word is saying? Can you hear the heart of Jesus? Is there condemnation for having doubts, fears, worries or questions? What is God instructing us to do? Does this change in light of our fears, doubts and questions? Or is what he saying the very answer to those fears, doubts, worries and questions?

Chris Rice wrote a song called "Big Enough" in which he talks about God being big enough to handle our questions. I have often found myself debating with myself and with God if He truly is "Big Enough". Over recent weeks the sum of the events of life and the revelation of scripture have solidified in me that God IS "big enough", so ask away. Spill it all before Him! Questions, Fears, Doubts, Sins, Failures anything and everything that would hold you back from walking in faith and trust.

In a book by Max Lucado called He Choose the Nails, Max describes the process of spilling it (my words here Max would be much more elegant) as working through lists of our life and placing those things at the foot of the Cross of Calvary then letting the blood which Jesus shed to flow down over those things and cover them. Once the blood is covering them they are dealt with. Then we find our self in a place of relationship with God.

A relationship which will allow us the freedom to put our hope and trust in Him. A place where we can stand firmly knowing; that despite what may feel to us like a lot of seeking, knocking and asking or what may seem to us an unworthy or unimportant hope for or expectation; that He is there and He is listening and answering. God and I are working on some things regarding the promises in his word. Here, a specific promise I have been challenged in is the promise of God meeting and exceeding our expectations and hopes.

If we stop hoping and expecting for something or are not hoping or expecting something big enough or we decided that what we really would like to hope for or expect is not worthy we will never experience the fulfillment promised to us in God's word. Or we can connect it more to the wording in Matthew. As soon as we stop knocking, seeking, and asking before the answer comes more than likely that will be our answer, no answer.

To personalize it I have a specific dream I believe God gave me over 15 years ago. To be honest I have gone for long periods not expecting, hoping, seeking, knocking asking about this dream. Guess what? I have not seen or experienced the fulfillment of this dream. Why? Because God doesn't really want it for me or maybe he didn't really give it to me. I don't think so. I have been challenged that what He wants from me is action in regards to my dream. Secondly we have been given a desire for Mandy to transition from being a working mother to a stay-at-home mom. The path is not clear as to how this will happen. There are some large questions(in our minds) that need to be answered.

So here is hoping for and expecting for the fulfillment of a dream and our desire. I stand here before man and God with a dream waiting for fulfillment and a desire in my heart to be meant. A dream and a desire for which I have a lot of seeking, knocking and asking to do so I can write on this blog some day... Wonderful news Mandy gets to stay home. Great news, Crossed Out Cafe is opened.

Please let me know what you think or feel about this. Do you have something to share with me in regards to the journey of the Mattos family? Do you have something that touched you in our journey, our words or our life? Did you hear from God or are you able to personalize the verses from Psalms and Matthew? If so let me know. If you are comfortable commenting on here please do, otherwise email or message me directly. I would love to hear how God is using me and this blog (I almost said if) to work in the lives of others.

Celebrate the Good of Others - Psalms 35 - 4/19/2011

27 Let those who favor my righteous cause and have pleasure in my uprightness shout for joy and be glad and say continually, Let the Lord be magnified, Who takes pleasure in the prosperity of His servant.

Sometimes it feels like we have forgotten how to celebrate each others acts of uprightness or we just don't praise people for doing good or doing a good job. I work in the retail and I even spent a few years working as a supervisor.

Do you know how many times I received complaints about the job of the associates on my team? Countless... How about the number of times I received a complaint because the employee was doing their job as per instructions? More than I can recall. How about the number of times I received a complement for an employee? In four years of supervision my high guess is 18 times I am think the number was actually closer to under a dozen.

Have you ever been in a restaurant and had the waiter or waitress make the dinning experience great? What about if their was an issue with the order but their service still made it a great experience? I remember a time that we had this happen. The chief had made an error on my order but the waiter had caught it himself and informed us that it was being resolved. So he took care of the issue and didn't charge us for our drinks. When we were done I asked for the manager at the hostess counter. I saw her go ask talk to the manager and he looked flustered and prepared for a chewing. When he came over I spoke highly of our waiter and didn't complain but spoke praise and thankfulness for the service we received. As I spoke I could see the fear and anxiousness leave the manager.

Sometimes I feel we miss this very concept and practice too often in our churches and homes. All we see is how that person on the worship team missed that note, or how the usher looked too solemn, or how the Pastor preached about tithing, or how we don't like the flowers that got planted by the entrance, or etc... And what about in our home? When was the last time you praised your spouse for picking up in the bathroom? Praised your child for turning off the lights without being asked?

I may be making a bit of a stretch here but I think when we see the positive things being done by those around us, to us and for us God likes it when we speak highly of them. He likes it when we lift them up with praise and celebrate in joy with them for a good job. Yes there is a time for discipline and correction. We can see some good example of that in 1 and 2 Corinthians. But you will also see the boastful heart of Paul talking and celebrating the good and upright that they had also done and were doing.

I would like present a challenge to myself and everyone who reads this. Over the next few days as we work to Easter Sunday find somebody each day that you can celebrate with in their good actions. Tell then and tell God what a good job they did. Fill out a comment card, ask for a supervisor, write a thank you note or just smile and say thank you or great job.

It would be cool if people would post through out the week some of what they did and saw. So please come back and comment as we finish this week.

Simplified Instructions - Psalms 34 - 4/18/2011

Psalms 34:11-14
11 Come, you children, listen to me; I will teach you to revere and worshipfully fear the Lord.12 What man is he who desires life and longs for many days, that he may see good?13 Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit.14 Depart from evil and do good; seek, inquire for, and crave peace and pursue (go after) it!

The Psalmist in these verse lays down simple instructions on how to revere God. It is often the simple instructions we miss most often in life. We seek God for wisdom and direction. We ask Him to make his path to be clear. All the while we are not following the simple instructions. Thinking our specific needs and desires couldn't be met in such simple instructions. Comparing the complexity of our world to the lack of complexity in the instructions. Asking ourselves how can something so simple lead to the answers we need and want.

My wife and I have been in a season where we keep asking God for direction and wisdom. There are some specific needs we have been addressing this is not a general question. So far all we have gotten is what appears to be a general answer. Do what you know you need to be doing. Be faithful in what you do, be good stewards, invest in your walk, read the bible, and pray. We keeping saying but Lord we need specific answers to our specific questions. The more we seek the louder the general answer is.

As humans we can often over complicate God and upright living. Look at all the rules and laws that the Israelites had made by the time Jesus came to them. It was no longer the Ten commandments, It was no longer just what was outlined Exodus, Deuteronomy, Numbers and Leviticus. They had added more way more. You had to spend a childhood studying to know it all. Even if you studied it all could they all be lived out? Then came Jesus and he simplified it for us. In a form even more simplified than the ten commandments. His instructions for life are included in the following verses

Matthew 22:37-40
37 And He replied to him, You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind (intellect). 38 This is the great (most important, principal) and first commandment.39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as [you do] yourself. 40 These two commandments sum up and upon them depend all the Law and the Prophets.

If we look back to what is said in Psalms 34:4-9 we can see a promise. In my words and for the question Mandy and I are asking here is that promise. If you will do the simple things in life I am calling you to do and be, then your specific questions and needs will be answered and taken care of.

That is the promise which I am boldly standing on today and with God's strengthening; the leading of the Holy Spirit and the love, support and reminders of family and friends I will be standing on tomorrow and the day after that until I am in the presence of Jesus.

A weekend of Men and God - March 30 2011

As many of you may know, either through relationship with me and Mandy or through reading this very blog, I have been dealing with feelings of abandonment in regards to God. I have been questioning and telling God through my actions, words, and my prayers that he had forgotten me. That he was being silent and had left me to fend for myself. Even after the events (the clarity of direction) that lead us in during our departure from Oregon to Washington. I quickly began to question God and if we had heard from him at all. Things weren't going as we had hoped for or believed they would be. But that is enough of the mumble grumble stuff. How about we move onto something better.

We have been attending the Living Water Regal Campus for nearly a year now. Each week the teaching from the pulpit and the words from the leadership at the Regal campus have been reaching into the lives of both Mandy and I. With each passing week over the last year we have had our hearts and spirits stirred and directed towards God. But the question in my heart and the doubt in my head kept echoing in me and out of me. I was getting tired and over the last few weeks have been praying for God's presence, wisdom and direction for my life and our family.

When I had first heard about Living Water's Men's Conference we didn't feel the timing was right because our Baby (Joshua) was due a couple of weeks before the weekend of the conference. Then God brought Joshua into the world two weeks early which brought up more questions about God and his will for us due to the financial position which his early arrival could be putting us in (which we found out this week God worked out). So the Obstacle of the baby's arrival date was solved. After some discussion both Mandy and I believed that the conference would be good for me and would hopefully introduce me to some other men in the church.

I hadn't been to work for two weeks so when I went in to put in my request for the weekend off for the conference I was too late, I had missed the deadline for request for the weekend in question. When I later checked the schedule I had Saturday off but I had been scheduled for Friday night. So I thought I could try and switch shifts but found no takers and there was still another issue. Mandy and I could not afford to pay for me to attend. So I asked the church for help and the Friday before the conference I got word that they had found a scholarship for me.

I still had the issue of Friday night but I could still attend Saturday and Sunday. But then I found out you had to pay for your own lodging. I had never been to a conference or retreat where the expense hadn't covered lodging. What was I to do I couldn't afford a place to stay either. So I asked and one of the Pastor's of Living Water booked a hotel for the weekend and allowed me to room with him. So what about Friday night. I made a decision. I didn't want to miss any of the conference. So I found some to take my shift. I lost some hours but it helped the guy out who took my shift and the loss of hours was a minute cost for what came.

Friday night was great. We had a good worship set and I was able to get into and start to release some of my stress and frustrations. We had a great teaching about Destiny and the costs we face to follow God's destiny in our lives. Then there came some time to share and pray in the smaller group setting of the table I had sat at. I took the opportunity to share what I had been feeling and praying up to this weekend. Then they prayed for me, there where three older men and three Teens who are part of Anthem(Living Waters Young Adult leadership development program). It is humbling when you have such youngsters praying for you.

After the teaching we had some time for fellowship and manly fun. When that was done it was back to the Hotel room for some rest. I started reading in one of the books I brought and around 2:00 am finished the book (there was only a couple chapters left) and then prayed about what I had read regarding Jesus and the cross. In those moments I placed many things at the foot of the cross as Max Lucado in He Chose The Nails. By the end of my prayer I felt exhausted and energized all at the same time. So off to sleep I went.

Saturday morning started like this. My first thought at 7:30 am was "I am not a morning Person." The second thought was "But God made this morning and I am a man of God." The third thought was "Today I will be a morning man for God." Off to breakfast and then to the conference center where I thought I needed to be at 8:00 am. Turned out I had over heard a joke and interpreted it as the start time, which was actually 9:00 am. So I prayed for the day and read(but not something God focused but star wars focused). The session started with some worship and some teaching both where good and still on target with the working and stirrings of my heart.

The session before lunch was a study of some scriptures in our table groups(which I had changed to so I could expose and introduce myself to as many people as I could). It was a good study and again I saw scriptures matching up with what was going on in my head, spirit and heart. Then it was a lunch and free time. So I attached myself to a group of guys and had a great time getting to know them and hanging out with them.

The evening session started with another great session of worship. With each session of worship I was able to release more and allow myself engage in it more. Then out of know where; as I began to sing words to a song and they sank into my being as I released and worshiped with more of my voice, mind and body; the emotions swelled to the point where I broke. Crumbling to the floor as I could no longer sing, I could only cry out in tears of sorrow, anguish and shame. As Men who I have seen but never really meant began to pray over all I could do was cry out for forgiveness and apologize to good. For in the midst of the tears I realized something. God's hand had not left my life. He had not forsaken me or forgotten me. I was the one at fault. I had turned my face from him. I walked away and got lost. It was my choice, it was my doing. Then he showed me that through it all he was there. His hand covering me was the picture I saw. His love was being poured out on me, his provision and blessing I was receiving even as I have been accusing him, telling him, pointing my fingers at him and even yelling at him about how he had forsaken me and forgotten me. The explosion of emotion, sadness, sorrow, shame, and conviction were greater than anything I have known to this date. All I could do was cry and beg for forgiveness as I apologized for my sin. Once I was able to return to worship it was amazing. I haven't worshiped like that in years. Then another good message and some more hangout and fun to be had. But it wasn't done yet.

First there was a message from a man, a Man of God. Friday night A man who was a former marine I believe, his name escapes me at this time, stood up and spoke to Pastor Burt after he had shared something of his life. He spoke powerfully and with love and authority even to his own pastor. I had thought after he finished a brief thought that was never spoken out loud. I hope he comes up and talks to me. When worship was done and the message finished we had some prayer time and it was completed. Then men had slowly been moving from the area where we had been worshiping, praying and learning to the area where the fun and food where. I had left to look for someone explained next and had returned to the main meeting area. I crossed the room to my stuff grabbed and saw the man of God. Now I didn't walk towards him but I didn't walk as far from him as I could have. He looked at me then walked over to me and then he spoke to me but more so into me. We talked about what I had been feeling up to this point and what God had been doing. He spoke more of what God wanted to do. He spoke to my heart about doing it God's way even when you didn't feel like it. About making the choice even when it was easy. He spoke to me about what I was going to need to be doing when I came down from the mountain top of this weekend. He spoke but God spoke through him to my very soul and spirit. It was again what I needed. . . . . But there was more.

My roommate for Friday night had to return for church business Saturday afternoon. Before he left he introduced me to a man who was wanting to stay that night instead of driving back. I looked for this man that night after service but never found him. I don't know where he went or what happened but I think God decided I need a room alone that night. Which made it a heck of a lot easier to do what God had me doing next. I read the next Psalms that Mandy and I would be reading the next time we sat down and read. The words of this psalms penetrated and awakened something inside of me. Yet another experience I hadn't felt or partaken of in a long time. As soon as I finished I was reminded of something then Man of God said. It was a reminder of the fact that I was a child of God and Satan had no right or authority over me or my life. I needed to tell Satan and his De-minions Where to go and remind them of the victory Jesus has already given to us. So that is what I did. Out loud and luckily I didn't have any complaints that I know of. I talked to Satan, Jesus and the Holy Spirit for myself and my family. It was liberating. I fell asleep after writing a song for my son and singing praise as my eyes finally closed.

The morning was great and the worship was some of the best I have had in a very longtime. I was worshiping my lord with all I had. Then testimony time came and I stood before Pastor Jon had finished asking. I was pumped, I was excited I was free and I wanted to share it. The morning session was short but we had communion and I hadn't felt this good about doing communion in a good amount of time. The conference wrapped up I helped with tear down. Th group of guys I had been hanging with on Saturday had planned to stop for lunch together on the way home so I joined them. I tried to find some one to keep me company on the ride home but couldn't find anyone. Again it might have been God's will for me He had something else to show me.

After lunch we parted our ways and hit the road. I kept my stereo off and was just singing words and trying to make up songs as I reflected on the weekend. I prayed some and just again let God know how grateful and how much I was looking forward to moving from where I had been to where I felt I was going. It was during this reflection that an image came to me. It was an image of what looked like a heart made of stone. Then carefully and very delicately a set of hands began working on the stone shape with a hammer and chisel. Tap Tap Tap Tap the hammer would go. Then the hands would stop and a rush of breathe would cross the surface which had been worked on blowing away dust and small pieces of stone. Then a hand would come back to the stone heart with a brush and brush away the debris as the breath was blown. The breath would stop and the brush would disappear and then the hammer and chisel returned. Tap Tap Tap Tap, Breathe, Brush Brush , Breathe. Then again tap tap tap tap, breathe, brush brush breathe. It came to me quiet clearly that I had been asking God for a neon sign or a big booming voice or something drastic to come in and change me. But he showed me that it was a delicate process. Because under that stone was the a heart of flesh and blood. It was my heart under there and to do it with out a careful delicate touch could have destroyed what lie under the stone.

It has been a few days since I have been back at home, in this world away from the Mountain Top, but I know, feel and believe God did something in my life. I am not the same and I am not going back.

A decision of Faith - 03/01/2011

Before I wrote my Blog Yesterday which was mostly about the emotion and fears I had been feeling and facing. Mandy and I were in the midst of a depressing and fear filled conversation about our future. We discussed how much we needed to meet our budget if we stripped it back to the bare bone minimums(Housing, Food, Utilities, Gas, Insurance). We discussed that we needed to contact Aflac before we wrote it off as not happening. We discussed that we didn't want to have to spend another season for another child working opposite shifts. But all the discussions brought were fear, frustration and discouragement. Most of which was the weight I wrote about yesterday.

But in the midst of the weight came a clarity and strength that I haven't felt in some time. And I made a decision for myself and my family in that moment. We would stand in faith that God would provide for us. We decided to take what leave Mandy has and use it over the course of the 12 weeks of FMLA that Mandy is allowed. That gives us three months before a final decision is to be made about her going back to work for the state. We feel between her leave time and the tax return we can make it that long with out a significant change. But that realization didn't come until after I made a decision of faith.

I am grateful for those of you who shared your concern, prayers and words with Mandy and I. Please keep it coming. Keep involved in our lives, investing in us. Because I believe your investment will produce fruit in us. Your involvement in our lives will help us grow. We need people but not just passer-byers, window shoppers or people not willing to get into our muck. We need people intending to invest and see the return. People who are willing to dig and water our lives with us so the growth and fruit can be bountiful.

If that is you keep sharing, keep praying, and keep us in relationship with you.

Faith or Fear - 02/28/2011

According to the Dictionary.com Christian Theology defines faith as follows.
"The trust in God and in His promises as made through Christ and the Scriptures by which humans are justified or saved."

This post might surprise some of you because you view me differently than I do myself. Your view may be based on your relationship with me or it may be based on some insight you have about me, my past or my future. If this post is a let down to you I am sorry but I am trying to be real about how I see and feel about things. Not how I think you want me to feel.

Also just a note. I know all of the cliche answers, comments and encouragements that are going to pop into your head. So if that is all you got well that is all you got. But if you are willing to bare your heart and get down and dirty in the truth with me in this, that is what I need. Call me out and help me see the errors. The Cry of my heart right now is that God will not allow me to stay the way that I am. So pray and seek Him for me because you might be a part of the answer.

February 26, 2011 is a day that will stand on its own in my memories for the rest of my life. My second born child and my first "Little Man" as mommy has taken to calling him was born. You are thinking to yourself how great and wonderful it must have been. Now you're thinking to yourself, the way he just typed that makes it sound like it wasn't.

That is not what I am saying. It was one of the three most beautiful and precious moments of my life(Wedding and Jillian's birth are the other two). The miracle of life, the joy and pride of being a part of that new life. Wow, what an experience. It is not one that can be sold, imitated or shared. It is an experience that you must have to fully appreciate.

But in the midst of great Joy, Beauty and life there was a weight. A weight so extreme that some of our close friends heard it over the joy of Joshua's coming when I called and let them know about it. A weight that in the hours prior to his birth I had called out for prayer, because our plan couldn't have Joshua born any earlier than March 1, 2011.

We had a plan in mind for our future and our hope for Mandy being able to transition to being a stay at home mom. In the very moments of the wonderful events that where transpiring and that we were being blessed to be a part of, the future weighed me down.

Faith that our God who has promised to provide for us and give us our hearts desire was tested under this weight. We truly believed that with the next baby (Joshua) that I would, upon completion of my degree, be finding employment that would allow us to switch from a two income family to a single income where I would be the sole source of income and Mandy would stay home with the children.

The job hunt has not gone well up to this point and we had purchased AFLAC insurance to help with living expenses for a period of up to six months after the baby was born. AFLAC requires you to be enrolled into the program for ten months before benefits will be paid out. Our ten month deadline was March 1, 2011. OUR plan was that Joshua, who had a due date of March 12th, would be born after March 1st and we would have 12 weeks of (unpaid) FMLA from Mandy's work using her 15 days of paid leave to cover health insurance expense over the three months while I found a job. Then at the end of the 12 weeks if she had to go back we could swallow our pride and she would go back until something else came about. Otherwise she wouldn't go back and we would have another 3 months of AFLAC benefits to help with expenses. While Mandy worked on her business plan or some other alternate sources of income that would allow her to stay home.

The weight was the knowledge that with out the AFLAC benefits, Mandy has three weeks worth of income to either use all at once or over 12 weeks. The fear was that God wasn't listening to our prayer or our hearts desire. The fear that once again my faith didn't seem to be enough.

I have struggled in one very large area of the Christian Life for a long time. It is the area of faith. Particularly in the area of believing that God loves me enough to fulfill the desires of my heart. That He would take the time to listen to my request for me and answer them. I have never had a problem for praying for others but for myself it has always been a challenge. I have also found it easier to pray prayers that didn't require a lot of faith or that allow the little cop out of, if it is your will.

So where does this leave me. Fearful of the future. Wanting to have faith that God will meet the desires of our life but afraid that his plan and our plan is different. Trying to make changes that I know he wants me to make but struggling with impatience with the time it may take to see the results. Filled with the joy of being the father to a new and wonderful creation of God. Amazed that God could take my genes and create Joshua Caleb Mattos. But among all of that there is a fear that I will not be able to raise him in such a way that he will fall in Love and serve God in a manner worthy of his Name or God's ways.

These are my thoughts, my fears , my emotions. But through it all I know I want to be better than I am and to be worthy of God's call on my life.

My Goals for 2011: Part 2- 1/20/2011

Well 12 days later than I wanted this post to be, I am here writing part 2 of my goals for 2011. In this post I wanted to briefly outline a few habits/routines I want to put into practice in my life. Then I am going to give a basic schedule I want to make a part of my life daily to make the habits a part of my life. Then lastly I would like to share my plan for working out and my back up plans I was suppose to have posted by the end of last week. Then I will be making a part 3 that is some more goals for the year to improve my health in other areas that I wrote about in the blog posting on the Mattos Family Blog - A Healthier Mattos Family in 2011 - 01/02/2011.

Daily habits that will make me healthier

1. Devotion and prayer time with Mandy


2. Praying over Mandy, Jillian and Joshua


3. Create To-Do-List for goals and tasks to complete


4. Brush Teeth minimum of two times a day


5. Floss Teeth


6. Take vitamins


7. Read a chapter in a book


8. Household chore/task

Weekly habits that will make me healthier

1. Plan for the next week


1. Create schedule for the week


1. List activities such as shopping and library and what days the will be done


2. List appointments or meetings


3. List Goals and to-dos for the week


2. Create Meal Plan


3. Make Shopping List


2. Workout minimum of three times a week


3. Until Job Found make at least 10 job contacts a week.
   A contact counts as a completed application submitted, setting up interviews either informational or job specific and follow up after application or interview

Monthly Habits that will make me healthier

1. Date with wife


2. Date with daughter


3. Mattos Family Game Night


4. Budget Committee Meeting

Daily Schedule
Monday - Friday
6:55 AM	Wake up and get out of bed
7:00 - 7:30 AM	Prayer/Devotion/Coffee with Mandy
7:30 - 8:00 AM	Me Time/Start planning for day
8:00 AM	Wake Jillian up
8:00 - 8:50 AM	Get Jillian and self fed, dressed and hair done
12:00 - 1:00 PM	Get Jillian and self fed, spend some time reading and ready for nap
1:00 - 4:00 PM	Jillian nap/rest/quiet time. Finish days tasks and to-dos then me time
No later than 4:00 PM	Wake up/Let Jillian be done with rest/nap/quiet time
5:10 PM	Dinner is to be done by 5:10 PM if working. Start dinner accordingly
5:45 PM	If scheduled at 6:00 PM leave for work.
	After Dinner Clean up is completed spend time as a family
No later than 11:45 PM	Have Teeth brushed and be in bed
Monday, Wednesday, Friday
8:50 AM	Take Jillian to School
9:10 AM	Start workout at YMCA
10:10 AM	End Workout and shower and dress for day
10:30 - 11:50 AM	Work on tasks and to-dos
12:00 PM	Pick up Jillian from School
Tuesday and Thursday
9:00 AM - 12:00 PM	Work on tasks and to-dos for Jillian and self. Once done Jilly and daddy free time.
Before 12:00 PM	Be home if out and about unless planned to have lunch out. Key here is lunch out is to be planned.

Here is my work out routine.
Monday, Wednesday, Friday After dropping Jillian off for school I will be going to the YMCA to work out.

Monday	Warm Up - 10 minutes	Weight Lifting - 20 minutes - Core/Back	Cardio - 30 minutes
Wednesday	Warm Up - 10 minutes	Weight Lifting - 30 minutes - Legs/Arms	Cardio - 20 minutes
Friday	Warm Up - 10 minutes	Weight Lifting - 20 minutes - Core/Back	Cardio - 30 minutes

I have chosen three back up plans on the occasion that going to the YMCA is not an option.

1. 30 minute walk


2. 20 minute bike ride


3. When I get my weight down I will use the WII Fit again for 30 minutes

Just a Note - 1/09/2011

I just wanted to tell everyone who has been waiting for the next installment of My goals for 2011. This weekend got busy with stuff around the house and a late budget committee meeting. The good news is there is no longer a Tree up and what remains of the decorations are our winter snowmen. The other good news is despite the late budget committee meeting it got done.

So I will try to get the next installment done tomorrow in between doing some job search stuff.

Well to meet my goal for bedtime I got two minutes for the last thought I wanted to share. Something I read today from Charles Swindoll's book Hand me Another Brick.

"Adversity forces us to trust, to wait on God, to lean on His arms for strength"

If you are facing some stuff right now or over this past year as many are and I know Mandy and I have sure been feeling it over the past couple of years. Remember that there is always a reason for every season and it is God's reason not ours. This is a reminder that I need for myself daily.

My Goals for 2011: Part 1- 1/07/2011

Some of you may have read my post on our family blog and if not please go check it out. This post is more of my personal goals for making a healthier me and in turn a healthier family for the year 2011.

Is there something I want to be? When I look at my life am I who I want to be? Have I chosen a belief system that I truly want to live out and model in my life? Am I living up to the standards, beliefs and values I have chosen? Why not? What is holding me back or stopping me? Is it that the values, beliefs, or desires for my life are impossible or wrong? Is it just a matter of pressing on and persevering a little longer until I reach it? Is what I am working towards my choice or was it imposed on me? Is it my faith, my beliefs and my life that I am comparing myself to? These are all questions I have been and am still asking myself as I process myself, my life, my faith and who I want to be.

This is a hard and humbling post for me. One which I have had to battle with myself and my insecurities, fear, pride and a bit of shame in the decision to post.

These are my goals and my plans which I have decided I need to work on to make me better and healthier. To bring me closer to the me I want to be and what I believe I was created to be. Some of my goals and the plans, routines and habits I feel I need to put into place which you are going to read are very basic and rudimentary to some if not most people and you might not think a 34 year old man should need to be working on them. Some of my bad habits are out of training or lack of training others are out of lack of knowledge and sadly some started out of plain laziness. Please not matter why I ask that you try and respect me and support me as I work towards healthy habits and healthy living.

So why write these things and make them public. Because I need change and this is blog is about my journey. It is about me expressing where I am, where I am going and all that I go through as I move from one to the other. My hope is that as you read you will decide join me on my journey by supporting me, by keeping me in your thoughts and in your prayers. And if you are so taken please feel free to check in on me from time and again. I acknowledge my need supporters, encouragers, and some people to partner with me. Maybe by posting this I will find more supporters than I have currently in my corner. Maybe by being open with my short comings others can be encouraged and supported to face their own with a openness that is often missed in today's world.

Goal 1) Getting Physically Healthier

1. Eating/Drinking Healthier - This can be a broad topic or idea and there can be much debate about what it means and what practices and habits are truly healthy and not. For me here are some very specific patterns or habits I want to change.



1. Get rid of and keep the junk food stock pile out of the house.


2. Plan meals with the goal the goal of being healthy in mind. Using more vegetables, lean proteins and legumes and less simple carbohydrates and fatty proteins.
   Two mini goals are to have one fish dish and one salad dish each week
   Another key here is to pack snacks for work and then eat them instead of buying junk at work.


3. Pay attention to portion sizes


4. Slow Down!!! Eat slower and learn to enjoy the food and the meal time more.


5. Drink water!!! The goal for water consumption is a minimum of 48 ounces a day. More is better.
   Mini goal here is to stick with plain old water here. Stop drinking carbonated and artificially flavored or sweetened waters



2. Physical Activity - Being more active physically can help reduce stress and increase energy both of which I know I need. So what are my goals to do this? Luckily for me and you they are in the following list.



1. Get off my but and do somethings. My challenge for myself here is to get myself and Jillian up and doing things that don't involve us sitting. This isn't necessarily exercise that goal is coming next. This is getting up and moving.


1. Do stuff around the house. Each day should entail at least one task that around the house being done. Sweep, Mop, Dust, Dust, Vacuum, do the dishes any of which mean getting up.


2. Get out of the house and go somewhere. Take a trip to the library, the park, go grocery shopping but do something a few times a week that gets you out of the house and up on your feet other than work and taking Jilly to School.


2. Create and follow through on a exercise routine. We have a membership to the YMCA which has a lap pool, workout area with a variety of exercise equipment, a Gym and plenty of exercise classes and activities to choose from all of which can be used to create a varied and well rounded exercise routine. In the words of Nike I need to "Just do it!" no excuses just get it done.
   At a minimum Exercise will be 3 times a week for at least 15 minutes of a cardiovascular workout. So even if I am not able to get in a full planed routine I am getting the minimum.
   My first Goal is by the end of next week is to post one main workout routine and two backup routines for the days I can't do my main one.


3. Change Sleeping routine. I need to get myself in the habit of getting to bed earlier. Now early for me will not be until like 11:30 PM until I am able to change my work schedule since I normally work until 11:00 PM. On the other side of the spectrum I need to get my *$$ out of bed earlier. I hate to say this but the alarm needs to be my friend and ally. Here is the official Sleep Routine Goal. In Bed by 11:45 PM and up by 7:00 AM.

Do to the length of that this post is turning out to be I am going to break it up into a few segments. Tomorrow I am going to outline some goals and routines which I hope will help reduce stress, decrease chaos and allowing me to become more effective and productive in my life.

PS. A little birdie told me good goals are SMART(Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time Bound) goals. So as I work through my list of goals and changes I will be trying to develop SMART goals and posting them such as my Goal to have one main and two backup workout routines posted by end of next week.

Miracle the post in working - 1/07/2011

I am still working through the blog post for the future regarding miracles. I have been hoping for a bit more response from others to help me develop a better picture of how people view and define a miracle. So I thought I would try to work up the definition of miracle from another place and see what people think.

World English Dictionary

miracle (ˈmɪrək ə l)
— n
1.	an event that is contrary to the established laws of nature and attributed to a supernatural cause
2.	any amazing or wonderful event
3.	a person or thing that is a marvellous example of something: the bridge was a miracle of engineering

Which definition fits how you view a miracle. Also think about the following questions. Then choose your method of letting me know your opinion and thoughts.

Can miracles ever be ordinary? Do they happen regularly? Do they happen at all? What makes something a miracle?

Thanks,

Kenton